Feeling Lost But Found

In todays blog I am going to be discussing a sort of emotional loop/cycle I have been in for the past several weeks during this holiday season.

The best way I can describe the way I am feeling is by showing you this picture of Seattle. God is so much bigger than our problems, our worries, our emotions that no true scale can truly show his capacity. He is the sun looking down upon the tiny ants that scurry thru the busy streets. He is the Big Friendly Giant to the little lady bug, no matter how big our problems may seem we must remind ourselves that he can handle them, and surrender all thats heavy upon us unto Him our Great Lord and Savior.

During these last couple weeks I have found myself in confusion, and isolation more so than normal, small things making me cry and big things making me want to stay in bed all day. Today I went to work and asked my supervisor if they were keeping me on past my seasonal employment period and they said no, then after work I went out to my car and got ready to pull out of the parking lot and felt something wrong with my car. I turned my emergency flashers on and got out and looked, sure enough I had a flat tire so flat that I could damage the wheel itself if I drove any further. I felt defeated and wanted to cry even though I knew it could be fixed or I could throw a spare on but at that moment I realized that I needed to choose between surrendering my emotions to God or become hopeless and fall onto a deeper path. After praying for a few moments I chose to surrender my emotions to God and trust that he has a plan for me.

One of my favorite songs right now is “Jesus I Come” and the beginning reminds me that all is well.

“Oh how I need Your grace

More than my words can say

Jesus I come, Jesus I come

In all my weaknesses

You are my confidence

Jesus I come, Jesus I come”

“Jesus I Come By Elevation Worship”

The reminder that in all my weaknesses no matter what I have faith and trust in God that he will always be there waiting for me, and that everything happens more as a stepping stone closer to where he wants you to be rather than a setback.

Reflection time is a huge reason why I can turn my worry into understanding, my anxiety into peace. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for all my time spent journaling and documenting my feelings and then validating that having feelings and emotions are okay, and I should not think of myself any less because of them.

I just want to take a moment and thank you all for continually following me on my journey through the mental health world and my life! I hope everybody had a fun and safe New Years Eve and Happy New Year!