I’ve debated on sharing this in my blog, I find myself disappointed and ashamed in some aspects. However I remind myself that if I reach one person and somehow for some reason my blog has impacted, or changed their perspective on faith, struggles and or even just life, then I am fulfilling my purpose as a disciple of Jesus.
With that being said here goes everything.
These last couple months have been a mix between ups and downs, mainly downs. I kept finding myself feeling tired, achey, and I never felt good. My moods were low, and very emotional. I found myself turning to numbing habits like caffeine and busyness. These habits turned into what some would call an “ caffeine addiction” but we don’t need to go there.
What I wasn’t realizing is that the more I put off dealing with my mental and even physical health, then the worst it is going to get and I would eventually have a burnout or hit rock bottom in my mental health/depression again, And well that happened.
Although I don’t like admitting it, I felt God telling me to be share a little of my story, because I know I’m not the only one who has had to reface the darkness during this season. The covid season has not only affected me mentally but also physically. My subconscious was reminding me of every little thing I was doing wrong, and I started to believe each and every one of those lies.
After finding myself in a dark place again I made decisions that could’ve ultimately ended my life, however God held a protective shield over me and carried me through this time. With the support of co-workers, friends and family I was able to seek some help and now am finishing my first week of feeling steady, happy, and in control of my emotions. I also have a sense of Joy again and feel that my heart is where it needs to be.
Being able to wake up and choose Joy over negativity is something I’m working on everyday. Being able to go to work and spend 8 hours smiling and being present is something I’m working on everyday. Loving myself for who I am and for being a responsible women with strong morals and ethics is something I’m learning to do everyday. It’s a daily challenge that I find sometimes more tiring than others, However I have to remind myself that I have goals, plans, and dreams for my future that I want to accomplish and complete. Not only that, God has plans and dreams for my future that I want to fulfill and complete.
Realizing I am not alone in my struggles has not only impacted the way I seek out mentor ship but also how I make myself available for those whom are also seeking a friend or mentor during a tough season. God is ultimately shaping and refining me as a means to prepare me for the mission.
In the end all I can continue to say is “KEEP GOING” even when you literally can’t find any reason to, please find a mirror or something and go look at yourself, look at your chest rising and falling. That is a reason to keep fighting. Someone on this earth needs you, loves you, and wants to fight along side you every step of the way. Reach out, even if you feel as if no one hears you, because trust me, YOU ARE HEARD and YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Life With Ellie 